Jumbled Thoughts.. Shocker

I know you are completely shocked, I am about to blog random thoughts I have had recently... (Can you sense the sarcasm?)

• Being on display: Now that I am on staff at a church, I am constantly aware of my every move. This is because I am literally on display for everyone to see. Not only do I want to prevent any conflict on the basis of my behavior, but I also want to be (and look like) a good influence for kids who feel like its hard to be a Christian in today's society. I hope to show them that you can still be cool and normal and be a Christian! We are not called to perfection though. What made me think of this a lot lately was....
• Glee: I love glee. I wouldn't go as far as to call myself a Gleek because I haven't been great at keeping up with it, but I do think its an entertaining show. Last night I posted on Facebook "I will not forget about Glee tonight." Well, I watched the show, and the episode was the most inappropriate one I have seen yet. Personally, watching something like this doesn't really influence me or make me change my lifestyle, but I got to thinking, what if people see that I posted that, and think that its bad that I watch this show? Also, while watching the episode I was thinking to myself, would I/should I be ok with my kids watching this? A lot of them love it, but last night's episode (while still very entertaining with amazing music) was highly inappropriate, and could send our kids a bad message/influence them. In contrast, next week is supposed to be about Jesus? or something like that... probably more about spirituality. So, it has its ups and downs I guess.
• Lifestyle and leadership: In order to be a spiritual leader, you are not expected to be perfect, but put at a higher standard. I have been thinking a lot about lifestyles vs. slip ups. Its one thing if a leader messes up every now and then (we all do!) but then recognizes it and is clearly striving to do better, but its another when the sin they are living in is a lifestyle-- it happens frequently and it doesn't seem as though they are taking any precautions. This is not ok. Leaders should be held to a higher standard.

That's about it, thanks for tuning in!

Class of Doom

Can we just talk about how ridiculous my SOC 101 class is.

1. It is a 101 class... it should NOT be that difficult.

2. It's a lecture plus lab class. BUT WAIT, THAT'S NOT ALL...

3. On top of going to a pointless lecture every week with 300 other students all of whom have no clue what the guy is saying because he never stands near enough to the microphone and literally talks in circles, we have to ALSO listen to online lectures. Not just one for every week, no, like 3 for every week! These things are like 30 mins each, give or take a few!

4. Then of course, there is lab. Lab is not bad at all, its just that our TA is teaching it, and he is basically just teaching us whatever he wants to teach us-- not necessarily stuff we will be tested on.

5. For the test I have coming up next week, we have to have studied chapters 1-6. Studying consists of reading all the chapters (written by the marvelous Mr. Professor himself), remembering the content, studying our lecture "notes," and studying our online lecture notes.

JUST SPLENDID!

Ok, I feel better now... Thanks

Change

In my writing and process class we're learning about the "Grammar B" style. Basically, going against everything you learned about grammar and mechanics and writing freely. We had to do an exercise: Write 500 words about change using Grammar B and then present it to the class. Pretty broad right? Here's what I wrote. Read if you please.

Change. Photosynthesis, growth, nutrients, clean house, vacuuming, laundry, adolescence, old-age, inspections, tune-ups, check-ups, mark-ups, showers, hair-dye, tanning, seasons, summer, fall, winter, spring, new places, college, clubs, church, relationships, fellowship, communities, spiritual maturity, renewal, renewal in Christ. Everything must be renewed. Everything changes. When I think of change, I think of my relationship with Christ. I once was lost, and now I’m found. I once wandered as a lost child, and then directed on the right path- the path of righteousness. I changed. But how? My thoughts were no longer of this world, but of Christ. Directed towards eternity. Even in my faith, I was like a child. Questioning everything, still unsure. That has not quite changed. Wait, that shouldn’t change. What did, was my intimate relationship with my savior. What started as a simple thought morphed into a way of life. One time, just a name: Christian. I’m a Christian. I go to Christian-like events. I act one way at church and another at home or school. Change. High school. Act more like a Christian (right?). Be different. Why? Because it’s the right thing to do. It’s what we’re preached. Just hang out with Christian friends. You’ll act more like ‘em. Go to church, go on retreat, go to small groups, go to Sunday school, go to choir practice, sing in the worship band. Do, do, do, do, do. Do good things. Right things, positive things, influential things. This will make you a better person. Change. College. Make it your own. Christ is my center. I do good because I love Christ. I love Christ because he died for me. (While I am still a sinner, Christ died for me). My relationship is renewed. Change. No longer do because others are, because others tell me to, because it feels good. NO. Do because Christ lives in me and I desire to be more like him. I am renewed in Christ. Change. Leadership. Thoughts not only forced onto self, but onto others. Love for others. Why? Who cares about others if its your own salvation you really care about. You’re not going to hell, so who cares about others? NO. Love others because God loves others. Because he has implanted the fruit of the spirit- love in you. Because he calls us to make disciples of all nations. All nations. Strive to change others. Bring about change in others. Change others. Spark in them a desire for renewal. Non-believers, believers, children, youth, adults. Everything changes. Plants, animals, houses, cars, people, machinery, toys, possessions. All change. We need renewal. The Holy Spirit provides spiritual renewal. Renew in Christ. Change. Continue to change. Never be content in faith. Challenge, question, seek, and find. Spend more time in the word, more time with God, more time in conversation, more time in prayer. Learn to love God more and more, abide by his commands, love others. Change from the inside, out. Be renewed, replenished, nourished, nurtured, fed, transformed by the renewing of your mind. Put on a new nature. The old is gone, the new has come. This is what we were made for.

Ironic we're to write about change when I've been thinking about change for the past at least month. I will be reading this allowed to the class. Pray for no product anxiety!

Girls vs. Guys

So last night Mrs. Kelly, Jackie and I were hanging out together attempting to put in "The Last Song" to watch. It was hilarious because we got to talking, and ended up just sitting there chatting until about 10:45pm with the menu on and "The Last Song" theme song playing over and over.

Throughout our convos we realized that guys would NEVER do something like this.

1. They would never watch a chick flick (even though we girls sit through action-packed movies all the time)

2. They would never sit there and chat before starting the movie

3. The second that theme song repeated one time, they would have turned it off or stopped talking, but we let it roll loud over and over again

4. They never analyze things the way we do. In pretty much every topic we touched, we analyzed the situations

It is quite interesting how girls and guys work. I've been thinking a lot about that lately- especially about how terrible guys are at planning. We girl think long long term and we focus on the details while guys are totally just in the moment. They have no clue about scheduling or making sure people are in the know about things. Its pretty amazing that the majority of CEOs or high up business people are men. Oh wait, that's because they have women assistants who keep them straight. (Ok, that's about as feminist as I get).

Ok bye bye.

So Awk

So.. I think I have come to the conclusion that I am awkward around high schoolers.

I think I just try way to hard to be cool and relevant that I end up not being myself, and I think I would be a lot less socially awkward if I was just myself (...even though myself is quite awkward, but in a funny way? hard to explain, so I won't try)

This is why I love middle schoolers. I don't have to try; at least, I don't feel like I have to. It doesn't matter if I really am cool, they will still think I'm cool just because I'm older (right?). Even if they do think I'm a total dweeb, they will still love me and laugh at my terrible jokes, impersonations, immaturity.

Funny I should feel so inspired to post this. I was just talking to one of my friends about how awesome middle schoolers are. They are moldable, they understand what you're talking about, but aren't old enough yet to have a solid opinion on it, they are free-spirited (one of my youth was showing me pics on her phone-- totally irrelevant to anything, but she loved it... and so did I), and they just want to have fun (I love the fact that they will dance during worship and act like fools.. mainly because I quite enjoy doing the same).

There's my rant. Hope you loved it.

Exhausted

Must get energy, must get energy!

I'm so glad God got be through the weekend and that he was totally present at retreat; We serve a powerful God!

But now I'm absolutely wiped. Yesterday I was literally fatigued, but attempted to get 10 hours of sleep until Jess was up from 4:30am on walking around upstairs (I'm in the basement).

Having just gotten home from a full school day and then some errands, I would so love to just curl up and go to sleep. But homework and other priorities bid me not.

So long blogger world, time to attempt productivity.

Down and Out

So I have to confess, today was a blah day.

Now that I'm in a leadership position I feel like I'm not allowed to have bad days or to vent to people. I feel like I am so consumed with lifting others up and giving them advice (which I love, don't get me wrong) that I am not allowed to have an off day. I found myself wining to John while replaying in my head the things I would tell a girl that may be going through the same situation as me.

Anyways, I just feel icky. My head hurts, my sinuses are swelling, and the back of my throat hurts. I'm tired (even though I got 9.5 hrs of sleep), I'm stressed, I'm unsatisfied, I'm about to start my period, and I'm just really bummed about a few things.

I was on the phone with John after call-back fail (got there too late bc of Bible Study to actually read anything), and I just hung up on him. I was being very negative and mopey and after trying to help me a lot with no good results, he told me to call him back when I was in a better mood, and I hung up on him. I feel bad about that.

There, I said it. I got it off my chest. Don't judge.

I am making a pact...

with myself and any of you who read my blog that I will from this day forward...

START EATING BETTER.

You don't know how many times I've said that, and I never do. So, I figured if I feel like I am being held accountable or that I have to do it to make someone else happy (even if you could care less, which you probably don't), then I may do it.

This is not because I think I am over-weight or anything like that, don't jump to conclusions. I just know that I really need to take better care of my body and such.

So, from this day forth, I shall document some of my eating habits. If I slip up, I will confess. If I have a creative, good day, I will document.

I live for pressure. I think this may actually help.

GOODBYE BURGER KING, ICE CREAM, SODA, AND FRAPS (ok maybe not completely fraps)!

Holiday Fail

On my one day off in a while and for a while, I am consumed with readings, readings, and more readings on top of preparing my talk for Wednesday and working on retreat lessons...

To make things even better, its absolutely gorgeous outside.

What a lovely day... NOT!

Energy?

I feel revived and energized, and it's all from God; I just know it. :)

"Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything."- Philippians 4:6

A Happy Heart

I had a really chaotic time trying to get into campus today for my 50 minute class after a few hours in the office. I got to the 300-person class and was utterly confused by the teacher and the course (too many boring details to explain)... We got out a little early, and as I walked to my car, I heard a young-woman's voice over a very loud speaker talking about the love of Christ.

I am so used to hearing annoying "preachers" on campus who don't convey complete truth about Jesus and just point out everyone's sins. Nothing gets across! This girl was actually talking about the LOVE OF CHRIST and his redemptive power. It was genuine, real, and true, and I loved it.

As if I have time in my day to sit and listen to someone speak, I followed the voice anyways and listened to her and then her band play "How he Loves." This was smack dab in the middle of the Plaza at VCU, mind you. The Gospel message was being proclaimed in the middle of a very lost University and the words "Oh How He Loves Us" were reverberating off the multi-story buildings, down the busy streets, and into the ears of lost souls. There's lots more I could say about how happy this made me, but I'll stop there. It was awesome.