Random Thoughts

Here are some things I am realizing more and more about myself.

1. I'm impatient. When I am set on a task, I want it done NOW. I don't like waiting on people to give me answers: when something is changed at the last minute and I have to wait on other people for answers, I get frustrated.

2. I don't like the idea of sitting and watching TV if I feel like I have a lot of things I need to get done, but I really don't. Let me explain the scenario.

Its Thursday afternoon, and I worked until 12:30, continued working when I got home, and now I don't really have anything immediate I need to do. I have long term things I could be working on, but they aren't necessary. I am hungry, but it's too early to eat dinner. I could (and might once I'm done with this blog) eat stale Goldfish, drink a Coke Zero, and watch some television, but that doesn't seem satisfying. I keep just literally staring at my computer until I think of something I need to get done. O! Write a dance devotional for tonight! That's what I need to do! ok, I'll get to it. I search through the internet, and nothing sparks my interest, motivation gone. Then I get onto facebook thinking that something will pop up for me to respond to, or something. Fail. Now I'm off to finish my devo, switch the laundry, then maybe eat a snack and nap on the couch.

Does this make sense to you? I feel like I always need to be doing something. Then the second that I do too much, I complain that I don't have enough time for anything. On top of that, in instances like these when I'm just home for a while, I could be vacuuming or deep cleaning, but I'm just not in the mood. Oh brain, why do you never make sense?

3. I try to get together with people and keep up relationships, but most of the time I think I suck at it. Then I think to myself, well, if that person is thinking I suck at it, then why aren't they trying to get together with me and stuff. I feel like the majority of the time its a one way street. Then I get to thinkin, maybe girlfriends hesitate to ask me to hang out because they assume I'll already be with John. WRONG. If a girlfriend asks me to hang out, unless I have something specific planned to do with John, I will pretty much always choose them over John. I have always been pretty good at finding a balance between friends and the boy... but maybe not good enough?

I don't think I've ever blogged a random stream of consciousness. I kinda liked it. Therapeutic I must say.