11

I WOKE UP AT 11AM! YES!!

I am thankful for...

-My loving God and His sacrifice to an undeserved child.

-My selfless, noble, and heroic father who works way too hard.

-My rather twisted family- parents, steps, siblings, relatives and all

-My amazing boyfriend who treats me like a princess and provides that stability I've always needed. He's forgiving, loving, selfless, and not only loves Christ, but imitates Him.

-His incredible family. I can't say enough about them and how thankful I am for welcoming me into their home... those home cooked meals, that guest bedroom they make me stay in because they don't like me driving late at night, those heart-to-heart girl talks, making me laugh, making me feel loved. I could go on, but I'll stop.

-My job. Praise God for having a job. Thank you God for directing my path and allowing me to minister to young people.

-Friends. Ya'll keep me sane. Thank you for loving and caring about me and being there for me when I have needed it most. Thank you for understanding me and giving me grace. Thank you for bringing me up when I am down and (Rebs, Steph, Heather, Kelly, and Annie) bringing me coffee and treats when I need them most :)

-And the basics... a home, food, clothing, car, all life's necessities...

I have nothing to complain about. I am infinitely blessed. Praise God.

Trust, trust, trust

Ever since I got this job at Middle School Director, I have wondered what the Lord will have in store for me in 2 years. Plans have changed drastically ever since my "Musical Theatre" stage during my sophomore year in high school, so I have to be open and ready for even more changes.

2 weeks ago I was told that I was supposed to take a particular teacher test (VCLA), and my advisor was surprised I was admitted into the Masters of Teaching program without taking it... I'm still not sure I had to take it because clearly I was never told, and obviously I still got into the program without taking it. Needless to say, I freaked out (being the planner and over-organizer that I am), and registered for the test ASAP.

Today I attempted to register for Spring Semester classes, when I stumbled upon a bump in the road- a HOLD. I hate the word. I have checked numerous times the past couple of weeks to make sure everything was good and paid for before registration, and of course NOW I have a HOLD-- "UG Admissions NOT Finalized..." WHAT THE HECK DOES THAT MEAN?!

Cue the mini freak out. AHHH!?!?!

I double check all tuition payments- pay a random payment, no help. I call the admissions office, left a message, no help. So now I wait. If phone calls don't work, I'll go into the office and figure all of this out tomorrow.

Back to my over-arching point- thesis, if you will.

For the past few months I have made the decision that the Lord will close doors if my plan is not necessarily his plan. Although this waiting business is frustrating, whatever happens is in His plan. A large majority of our faith is just that. Faith. I absolutely have to trust God and remember that its not in my control. He knows best, and He's got it all under control.

"A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.” (Proverbs 16:9)

Knot Pick Hair

After waking up at 7:15 am, due to my internal clock of doom, I have opted out of studying and decided to grab a cup of coffee, turn on America's Next Top Model, and look at TheKnot.com.

Topic for today: Hair. Here are some Knot Picks!

I'm pretty set on having my hair down with loose curls.

Not sure how I feel about hair pieces. Sometimes I dig it, sometimes not so much

Gotta love the braid!

PS- I promise I'm not a crazy wannabe bride who plans every detail of her wedding before she actually has it. I just love weddings! he he he

"Going Out"

I am starting to think that John and I's relationship is turning into High School "going-out" status... We don't actually "go-out;" we just see each other at school and church. We bid each other adieu to eventually see each other again later the next day at a rehearsal or youth function. During the weekends, we hang out with his family (who I love, so I'm certainly not complaining) until we run our separate ways to various rehearsals where we barely even look at each other.

When will we ever actually "date" again?!?! I was planning on this weekend, but word of mouth has told me that a TBA will be called Saturday night. Lovely. Why am I so surprised at this lack of a social life? I mean, it IS GCN season...

I miss times like these. Dressing fancy and eating fancy.

I wonder...

...if its ok that GCN stresses all us young choreographers out. It has its pros and cons, but choreographing has not proved itself a big pro. I'm pretty sure each of us as come inches away from break down and tears. Its different than simply choreographing, say, a hip hop dance for a recital. You have a vision in your head, and then everything changes with the addition of staging, other cast members, and props. Not only that, but you are choreographing about five different dance groups for the same song while remembering your own steps. OMG.

Everyone looks to you for the answers. Everyone looks to you for a solution. Everyone looks at your work and judges it (whether they tell you or not). Everyone talks about you behind your back (whether good or bad). You are the center of focus. AHH! That scares me. I like to be out of focus, just listening in the background. This is why I don't speak in class (but that's besides the point).

I'm not a process person. I look towards the end goal with everything. Sometimes this can be a good thing, but at a time like this, it most certainly isn't. I just want everything to come together perfectly- for everything to work, for no one to have to ask me 100 questions (that I usually don't know the answer to), for no one to have to judge my work because it looks a hot mess right now as people are adjusting to new formations, blocking, other dancers... I'm not a process person. I can't wait until things start magically coming together.

Ok, maybe I'm being melodramatic. I apologize, but right now, after a 3.5 hour rehearsal, my brain is about to explode.

And... I promise, there are good things about choreographing, I'm just a little winded right now. If you are in GCN, don't think I hate you.

Middle School Pros

I love middle schoolers because they have no shame. They dance around like no one's watching. Maybe that's because they see me doing it, but still. They make a fool out of themselves right along side of me rather than just standing back and looking at me as if I am a fool (which I am). They love it, and I love it. Bye.

I'm pretty sure I will continue to have ups and downs forever and will always be in limbo on whether or not I want to teach or preach... or not. But I have complete and utter faith that God will reveal his plan for my life as he has done in times past.

me today

Wishing I was tan and missing my Young Life days.

Very sleepy. Also very good evidence as to why I wish I was tan... Pasty white vamp.