I wonder...

...if its ok that GCN stresses all us young choreographers out. It has its pros and cons, but choreographing has not proved itself a big pro. I'm pretty sure each of us as come inches away from break down and tears. Its different than simply choreographing, say, a hip hop dance for a recital. You have a vision in your head, and then everything changes with the addition of staging, other cast members, and props. Not only that, but you are choreographing about five different dance groups for the same song while remembering your own steps. OMG.

Everyone looks to you for the answers. Everyone looks to you for a solution. Everyone looks at your work and judges it (whether they tell you or not). Everyone talks about you behind your back (whether good or bad). You are the center of focus. AHH! That scares me. I like to be out of focus, just listening in the background. This is why I don't speak in class (but that's besides the point).

I'm not a process person. I look towards the end goal with everything. Sometimes this can be a good thing, but at a time like this, it most certainly isn't. I just want everything to come together perfectly- for everything to work, for no one to have to ask me 100 questions (that I usually don't know the answer to), for no one to have to judge my work because it looks a hot mess right now as people are adjusting to new formations, blocking, other dancers... I'm not a process person. I can't wait until things start magically coming together.

Ok, maybe I'm being melodramatic. I apologize, but right now, after a 3.5 hour rehearsal, my brain is about to explode.

And... I promise, there are good things about choreographing, I'm just a little winded right now. If you are in GCN, don't think I hate you.