It's rather ironic because last week I spoke at Byrd Middle School's FCA, and I left feeling overwhelmed with joy. I really felt God using me and opening up doors and revealing new things to me. It was awesome. I felt successful. Right when I hopped into my car, I immediately called Jessica and told her all about it. She was very proud and excited for me, but also said something like, "Just keep your guard up because when you're working for the Kingdom of God, the Devil will try to get you."
I do believe, friends, he's trying to do just that... and I'm letting him.
Ever since I started my job as Middle School Director, I have been relatively confident (although very scared), and have felt like I've been doing a decent job. It wasn't until recently that I felt pretty crappy about my work.
Complaints
It has seemed like recently my middle schoolers have gone slightly crazy since they've return to the little red school house. Some wrecked one of the rooms during small groups, they have been wandering during services, haven't been listening during lessons, and have a terrible problem with shutting their mouths when they are supposed to. This week I have heard an overwhelming amount of complaints about the awkward teens... and something tells me its my fault. I know that sounds crazy, but I honestly feel like I'm doing something wrong.
In anything I do, I give 100%. That's not me being "cocky" or anything, its almost to a fault. I'm am compulsive about it-- about grades, work, friendships, dance, leadership, anything and everything. Because of my need/want for perfection, if something goes array, I immediately blame myself.
This is totally a rant, and props to you if you have hung in there this long. I'm just hoping this will help me get it off my chest. It's one of those things, where I know what I need to do: put it behind me and focus on bringing kids closer to Christ, I just need to vent and then maybe I can get past it.
2 comments:
i love you.
and there's no need to apologize for venting. it's both essential and necessary to maintaining your sanity. believe me, i know.
i'm glad you liked that verse :) i myself find great comfort in it.
Nikki, if you're giving it your all, then there is nothing to worry about. And just remember that no matter how much work you do, it's not YOU that brings kids to Christ. It's God opening up their hearts. So just let him work and trust that He will. All you have to do is be a willing vessel :) I think it's a lot easier than we try to make it out to be!
Post a Comment